SPENCER’S STORY OF THE EVENING
Ok, I'm going to chyme in with my own
little story:
I pride myself on being open-minded and culturally accepting. I loved the Iraqis. Japan was great! Germany awesome. Guatemala amazing. However, after being forced to sleep in the back seat of my car until 4am, I'm not a fan of the Saudi "harem" culture.
Simone got invited to a Saudi wedding reception by Ali, a relative of one of her patients. We met Ali at his home where I was sequestered and put into a waiting room. Simone spent most of the time in the waiting room as well, but she was allowed to walk around the house a bit and meet his wife. After about an hour, I left with Ali for the reception. Simone remained behind at Ali's house. The reception is segregated, and the men's part goes from about 9pm to 12am. The women's part runs from 11pm to 4am.
The men's part of the reception was great. Ali was very hospitable, making sure that I tried all of the various food. The reception itself was very impressive with about 300 males in attendance and two huge ballrooms. There was a tremendous amount of food, and all the men were dressed in traditional garb.
As a side note, Ali did look down on the Indian employees who had been hired by the reception hall. Saudis don't engage in manual labor, so the country is filled with workers from other countries. Ali was not impressed with the quality of service, commenting that Filipinos do a better job. I was offended but didn't let that keep me from enjoying some dessert.
Back to the story: Around 1130pm, we arrived back at Ali's where I expected to be invite inside to wait for Simone's return. The military does not allow me to move around Saudi by myself, and even if I could, my base was an hour away. Ali knew that. Regardless, Ali did not invite me into his house. He told me that Simone would call when it was time for me to pick her up. I was stunned and actually panicked a bit. I recently saw the movie The Kingdom, which has reinforced my fear of terrorist attacks.
Not being invited in, I drove my car around the block and parked. I eventually decided that I had no option but to sleep in the car until Simone returned. Unfortunately, I only had a 1/4 tank of gas, so I couldn't continuously run the air conditioning. I crawled into the back seat and rolled down the windows a bit. Even though it was late at night, it was still 90 degrees. I was sweating. Misquotes were biting me. I could barely sleep. It was a terrible experience.
All day, I've been thinking about what happened. What went wrong? Why did Ali not invite me in? I thought Ali and I were such good friends, but he abruptly abandoned me. After a bit of thought, I realized that Saudi has a "harem" culture. No one will really admit that, but it's true. Women are quasi-property of men. Men see other men as threats to their property. Letting me inside his house would give me access to that property, which he has to protect at all cost. It doesn't matter that no women were present in the home. Other men should not be allowed access to a harem's location.
Don't think that the men alone perpetuate the harem culture. In a very real sense, a lot of the women enjoy this harem culture. The men's reception was fairly dull despite how impressive it was. The women's reception was at least twice as extravagant. They had more and better food. They had larger ballrooms with more guests. They had loud music, which they danced to throughout the evening. They partied into the early morning. Most of all, they got to take off their abayas (black robes) and show off their beautiful dresses and make-up to each other. It's as if the women walk around all day actually believing that they are so desirable that they must always cover up or risk evoking uncontrollable sexual urges within the male population. That's delusional, but I suppose we all dabble in narcissism at times.
Ali has let Simone know that she is welcome to join him and his wife for their various outings, but I cannot come along. It would be inappropriate for me to join them. In other words, Ali is perfectly comfortable laying quasi-claim to my quasi-property (Simone). However, he would never allow me around his quasi-property. It just all disgusts me. Truth be told--the culture demands some of this behavior from the men and women. Even if they don't completely subscribe to the harem culture, women and men would lose respect and perhaps social status for not adhering to the principles of the culture.
Even though women have very few rights in Saudi, I don't find it great here as a male either. Simone can move around as she pleases because she is non-threatening in this culture. However, I'm viewed as a threat in a lot of situations, making me uninvited.
Anyway, that's my story. I guess it boils down to the fact that I had a bad night's sleep, and I'm pissed about it. Even with this experience, I still think the next 10 months are going to be an adventure. Thanks for letting me share my update in the form of one story.
I pride myself on being open-minded and culturally accepting. I loved the Iraqis. Japan was great! Germany awesome. Guatemala amazing. However, after being forced to sleep in the back seat of my car until 4am, I'm not a fan of the Saudi "harem" culture.
Simone got invited to a Saudi wedding reception by Ali, a relative of one of her patients. We met Ali at his home where I was sequestered and put into a waiting room. Simone spent most of the time in the waiting room as well, but she was allowed to walk around the house a bit and meet his wife. After about an hour, I left with Ali for the reception. Simone remained behind at Ali's house. The reception is segregated, and the men's part goes from about 9pm to 12am. The women's part runs from 11pm to 4am.
The men's part of the reception was great. Ali was very hospitable, making sure that I tried all of the various food. The reception itself was very impressive with about 300 males in attendance and two huge ballrooms. There was a tremendous amount of food, and all the men were dressed in traditional garb.
As a side note, Ali did look down on the Indian employees who had been hired by the reception hall. Saudis don't engage in manual labor, so the country is filled with workers from other countries. Ali was not impressed with the quality of service, commenting that Filipinos do a better job. I was offended but didn't let that keep me from enjoying some dessert.
Back to the story: Around 1130pm, we arrived back at Ali's where I expected to be invite inside to wait for Simone's return. The military does not allow me to move around Saudi by myself, and even if I could, my base was an hour away. Ali knew that. Regardless, Ali did not invite me into his house. He told me that Simone would call when it was time for me to pick her up. I was stunned and actually panicked a bit. I recently saw the movie The Kingdom, which has reinforced my fear of terrorist attacks.
Not being invited in, I drove my car around the block and parked. I eventually decided that I had no option but to sleep in the car until Simone returned. Unfortunately, I only had a 1/4 tank of gas, so I couldn't continuously run the air conditioning. I crawled into the back seat and rolled down the windows a bit. Even though it was late at night, it was still 90 degrees. I was sweating. Misquotes were biting me. I could barely sleep. It was a terrible experience.
All day, I've been thinking about what happened. What went wrong? Why did Ali not invite me in? I thought Ali and I were such good friends, but he abruptly abandoned me. After a bit of thought, I realized that Saudi has a "harem" culture. No one will really admit that, but it's true. Women are quasi-property of men. Men see other men as threats to their property. Letting me inside his house would give me access to that property, which he has to protect at all cost. It doesn't matter that no women were present in the home. Other men should not be allowed access to a harem's location.
Don't think that the men alone perpetuate the harem culture. In a very real sense, a lot of the women enjoy this harem culture. The men's reception was fairly dull despite how impressive it was. The women's reception was at least twice as extravagant. They had more and better food. They had larger ballrooms with more guests. They had loud music, which they danced to throughout the evening. They partied into the early morning. Most of all, they got to take off their abayas (black robes) and show off their beautiful dresses and make-up to each other. It's as if the women walk around all day actually believing that they are so desirable that they must always cover up or risk evoking uncontrollable sexual urges within the male population. That's delusional, but I suppose we all dabble in narcissism at times.
Ali has let Simone know that she is welcome to join him and his wife for their various outings, but I cannot come along. It would be inappropriate for me to join them. In other words, Ali is perfectly comfortable laying quasi-claim to my quasi-property (Simone). However, he would never allow me around his quasi-property. It just all disgusts me. Truth be told--the culture demands some of this behavior from the men and women. Even if they don't completely subscribe to the harem culture, women and men would lose respect and perhaps social status for not adhering to the principles of the culture.
Even though women have very few rights in Saudi, I don't find it great here as a male either. Simone can move around as she pleases because she is non-threatening in this culture. However, I'm viewed as a threat in a lot of situations, making me uninvited.
Anyway, that's my story. I guess it boils down to the fact that I had a bad night's sleep, and I'm pissed about it. Even with this experience, I still think the next 10 months are going to be an adventure. Thanks for letting me share my update in the form of one story.
No comments:
Post a Comment