Ladies Tea September 5^th

I am hardly good with names and when it comes to my patients I use their medical record numbers or their room numbers. A name like Mohammed and Faisal are quite common that by using just first names we would easily be mixed up but then you combine their other 4 names and get really confused because you can’t pronounce them.  So I justify my lack of recognition to the lack of variation.  I am prefacing my very bad use of names in this story I am about to tell.

I was at work and had received a missed call.  Most of the time I leave my phone at my home, which is a 6 minute walk from my job, another justification.  Well, I brought it today because the bike lock Spencer ordered finally arrived, which is what was holding me back from taking up a more permanent residence with Spencer.  Yes, we live separate in case I hadn’t mentioned or made that clear earlier and what is worse is for safety and security Spencer cannot drive off his compound without a companion.  I didn’t recognize the number so I called it back, which I don’t normally do.  It was Ali’s wife (I cannot recall her name even though she spelled it out to me later), and I also learned that Ali really isn’t Ali but Fahad. Well there you go, Fahad, Abdul… are all very common names.  She wanted to invite me over tonight for a light dinner with some of her friends.   I wanted to see Spencer but I thought this might be a fun experience and get to see more the home life of Saudi’s and get to know these women more.

I had my doubts about attending and asked several co-workers what they would do in my situation.  Maybe I didn’t give them complete information but even a Saudi Respiratory Therapy eavesdropping on the conversation chimed in saying she wouldn’t go.  It is a patient’s family, you don’t want to get yourself in a sticky situation, and/or give them the wrong impression since your husband isn’t invited.   At that point I wasn’t so sure.  I got home from work and called up Spencer to consult and get his opinion on what I should do in this situation.  We discussed it and decided this time.  I just felt maybe I was using them to get the insider view, which didn’t feel fair, because I didn’t feel I had much in common with them to have a true friendship.

I took a taxi there which was about 15/20 minutes one-way.  The taxi driver promised to pick me up at 10:15 about 1 hr and 45 minutes from when he dropped me off.  There was a ‘guard’ at the entrance that let me pass through the gated wall.  I was greeted by wife (I will call her that until I get clarification as to her name) and directed into the same sitting room by which I have a picture from a previous entry.  The coffee table had small bowls filled with an assortment of nuts, and one other woman was sitting there as well. She was Lebanese and taught French/English translation at the ‘Largest Women’s University’ in the world.  Which it most likely is the largest Women’s University and they probably have the largest men’s ONLY university as well, not many Universities segregate their students and would probably go bankrupt anywhere but in Saudi Arabia. 

Nouf entered the room, and chatted with Lebanon in Arabic. I listened to the garbled Arabic and couldn’t get a word out of it.  When you are learning a language people have to speak at a rate probably 10 times a slow as they normally would.  So maybe I just watched them converse as I popped the tasty nuts into my mouth. Wife came in and we chatted. She claims not to have good English and says Fahad and her brother’s make fun of her mistakes.  But I told her you have to keep talking even if it is hard, and you want to speak Arabic and everyone says something silly in another language when they are learning it.  As a matter of my own opinion she speaks English quite well, I mean she can understand and converse…that is huge. She is quite nice to me and I enjoy speaking with her.  They all appear a bit more normal and not so done up which is nice.  She talked about her farm, the animals, and camping out at the farm.  She said I would have to come with them.  I would love to see how they camp and see the farm and take a trip into the dessert with them.  Do the men ever get to come?  I know Spencer would love to experience some of this stuff.

That really was the course of the evening.  An Aunt, friend, and pregnant sister came eventually.  I worked up the gumption to ask Nouf it was culturally acceptable to get a tour of other’s homes.  Nouf said usually when they have a new house people given tours, so it is okay and she would give me a tour.  It seemed that Lebanon was also glad I spoke because she jumped up to join the tour and said she would like to come along.   We received a tour of the main/entrance floor only.  The upper floor was the families’ residence including their dining room, living rooms, and bedrooms. The lower floor was the servants’ quarters and the kitchen.  So my tour was the main floor only.  Men and Women have separate entrances to the house, and separate entertaining quarters.   This family rarely has men guests and Nouf demonstrated the fact when she patted the arm of the couch and dust billowed into the air.  I guess Fahad isn’t very sociable, at least in his own home.  The Women side is a large open spacious high ceiling entrance.  A beautiful spiral staircase was straight ahead leading to the family quarters.  The ceiling above the staircase was a huge-dome of stained glass.  From the entrance you have a sitting room, which is the room Spencer and I sat during my first visit. There is also a visitor’s room and bathroom nearby.  On the other side of the Entrance Hall is another living room which had long couches on the floor lining all the walls and a big mantle and fireplace at the far end. Nouf said when it gets cool they come into this room and drink warm drinks and have fires.   We walked through a hallway with doors on either side and a huge dining room which could probably sit over 20 people. These doors separated the men and the women’s house.  The men’s side also had a large entrance hall a sitting room of yellow hues, a study-like room, and a large green columned marble sink.  It would be the kind of bathroom you might find at an exclusive hotel or fancy restaurant.  The sink, walls and around the mirrors was all made from this green marble. It was stunning.

Back to the Purple sitting room, Arabic coffee, chocolates, and mint tea was passed around the room by the hired help.  Wife left and came back saying to me she knew I was going to leave early so she told the help to bring in the food early.  Eating at 10 o’clock isn’t early for me.   But it was a nice gesture.  There was an assortment of sandwiches, grilled eggplant hors d’oeurves, stuffed mushrooms, and stuffed grape-leaves.  It was all very nice.  When I was on my way out Nouf had said next week they are going to have a get-together outdoors.